


Cocktail of Agony and Confusion

by CatwalkGray



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Emetophobia trigger, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Nitori-centric, POV Nitori Aiichirou, Unrequited Love, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatwalkGray/pseuds/CatwalkGray
Summary: Nitori can't stop throwing up flowers.





	Cocktail of Agony and Confusion

**Author's Note:**

> title: Cocktail of Agony and Confusion  
> characters: Nitori Aiichirou, Matsuoka Rin  
> pairings: Haru/Rin, one sided Nitori/Rin  
> rating: T  
> author: CatwalkGray  
> tags: hanahaki, no beta, angst, emetophobia trigger, japanese flower language

When Nitori begins to cough up bright blue primroses and blood, he immediately knows why. He’d known this was coming. You see, when someone falls in love, it tends to be all fine and dandy. But when that love isn’t reciprocated, there can be complications. Those complications are known as hanahaki disease. Flowers begin to grow inside of your body until that person loves you back - or until you die. For Nitori, he knows it will be the latter. There’s no way a straight boy will ever fall in love with him. That just isn’t how it works.

 

No one even realizes at first. His times weren’t impressive to begin with, so as they steadily decrease, no one pays much mind. Rin chides him, but Nitori is glad to have attention from him of any kind, positive or negative. He begins to fill bags with the flowers he’s coughing up, keeping them in trash bags by his desk. His desk is such a mess that for a while, Rin doesn’t notice.

 

Eventually, Rin grows to be fed up with the mess Nitori calls his desk. While Nitori is out, Rin takes initiative to clean up the area. Now imagine his surprise when he finds bags filled to the brim with blood and wilting flowers.

 

“The fuck are these, Ai?”

 

“Oh, um, they’re flowers Matsuoka-senpai!” Nitori replies, eyes darting around. It only takes a raised eyebrow from Rin for Nitori to snap.

 

“I - well, I have hanahaki. I’m sorry I kept this from you senpai.” Nitori hears his voice waver and he cringes at it.

 

“Who is she?”

 

Nitori feels his heart shatter.

 

“She’s a year older.” He says finally.

 

“Have you told her?” Rin’s brow raises again.

 

“No, uh, you see… She’s a lesbian. She isn’t interested in boys.”

 

“Then why are you interested in her?”

 

_Silence._

 

“Well?” Rin pries.

 

“I don’t know. She’s smart and driven. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but I can’t tell her. It would ruin her to know that I’m dying because of her, but she can’t fix it.”

 

“How long have you known?” Rin’s voice softens,

 

“I’ve had a crush on her for quite a while, but it only started to classify as love a month ago.”

 

“You’ve been sick for a month? Why didn’t you tell any of us?” Nitori sees his reflection in Rin’s eyes and he can see how desperate he looks.

 

“There’s nothing to be done.”

 

“…What sort of flowers are they?”

 

“Primroses. They mean desperation and since they’re blue, they also mean young love. It sucks, but it’s such an interesting concept.” Nitori rambles.

 

“Do you know how long you have left?”

 

“Two months, at most.”

 

“Ai…”

 

“It’s fine. There’s nothing to be done.” The gray-haired boy’s voice is heavy with resignation.

 

“Are you going to tell her?” Rin’s head tilts, genuinely concerned.

 

“I told you. It would ruin her.”

 

“Still, if I were her, I’d like to know.”

 

“Rin?” The smaller boy’s gaze met the other’s with determination that hadn’t been there a few seconds ago.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“It’s you. It’s always been you.”

 

Rin doesn’t even reply. He turns on his heel and leaves the room. Nitori doesn’t mind. He just gave Rin exactly what he wanted.

 

About two hours later, Rin returns to their dorm. His hair is a wet and it’s evident he went swimming.

 

“Ai,” Rin’s voice is laced in a cocktail of agony and confusion, “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine. I just wanted you to know.”

 

“You know that I can’t like you back, right?”

 

“Of course. You don’t even like boys.” Nitori rushes out, not wanting the redhead to feel guilty.

 

“It’s not that. You know Haru from Iwatobi? It’s him.”

 

That’s somehow even worse than him being straight. His heart did belong to a boy - it just wasn’t him. Nitori waves his hand before bolting to their shared restroom. He’s vomiting up primroses again and he can feel them writhing inside his lithe body. He’s distinctly aware that this is how he will die. He won’t grow old, he won’t marry. He’s going to die with flowers crawling up his throat.

 

Rin, bless him, rushes in shortly after. His voice borders on frantic when he drops the question:

 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

 

“There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing anyone can do. I’m a goner.”

 

Rin’s body crumples to the floor, back leaning against the wall.

 

“What do we do now?”

 

“Wait,” Nitori replies, “That’s all there’s left to do.” Before he can continue, he’s heaving into the toilet once more.

 

“You can also vomit. Vomiting and waiting.” Rin jests but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Nitori appreciates the effort and feels himself falling even more in love with him.

 

It’s a little over a month later when Nitori dies. He’d known it was coming. He’d spent the past week rewatching his favorite American TV shows. He’s in Rin’s bed, he’d long since lost the energy to climb the ladder to the top bunk. His head falls back and he wishes the flowers would hurry up.

 

He knows he’s dying. He knows he’s dying in the middle of the night with Rin in the upper bunk. He knows he’s dying at the age of fifteen having never even left his country.

 

He makes an effort to cry out, for someone, for anyone. But the flowers block his voice from making any sound other than a whimper. He closes his eyes and waits. He doesn't mind that he's going to die; it's been a pleasure in itself to love Rin Matsuoka.

 

When morning rolls around, Rin notices Nitori isn’t up before him, a rare occurrence in itself. He still has a toothbrush in his mouth when he sees that in the night, Nitori had succumbed to the flowers. They covered his body and Rin goes to the restroom where he spits out his mint toothpaste. The second he gets back, his fist collides with a wall. With shaking hands, he calls the emergency services.

 

The body is taken away within the same hour it’s found. A week later, he’s buried. And the week after that, Rin spits Asphodel into his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> asphodel means "my regrets will follow you to the grave."


End file.
